Letting go.

I’m not going to be talking about essential oils today. Or skincare. Or cleaning products. Or chemicals.

Nope.

Today I’m just going to talk about me.

Well, actually, I’m going to talk about what God is doing in me, because that is much more worthwhile of your attention.

I struggle a lot with control. I think some of it comes from being the oldest of 9 and feeling the need to be responsible and in charge. I think some of it is hereditary. Regardless of what causes it, it’s there and it’s strong.

I’m a planner. I’m a list maker. I’m a leader. I’m an organizer. I’m a creator. I’m a coordinator.

I’m a controller.

When I lose control, my. world. falls. apart.

Why is that? Why is it that when things don’t go as I planned, I am crushed? Why does it destroy me when I am unable to determine the outcome of a situation? Why do unknowns terrify me?

It’s taken me awhile to figure it out. It’s taken a lot of prayer, tears, and anger at God. A lot of questioning and what felt like lack of answers. But God is faithful, and when we are ready and listening He will always answer.

I refuse to believe that God’s unknown plan could be better than my known plan.

I don’t believe that I will truly be fulfilled and find my joy in His will.

The gospel says that on my own I am dead, but in Christ I am made alive and am dead to sin. The gospel says that I am fully known and fully loved. The gospel says there is a God who gave His perfect Son to save my soul. The gospel says that same God has a plan for my life that is wilder than I could ever dream.

Control has become an idol works its way into every area of my life and won’t let go. The gospel sets me free.

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3 Comments

Filed under Soul, Uncategorized

3 responses to “Letting go.

  1. Autumn

    I have to remind myself that there IS something that I can always control. That is, what my REACTION to the situation will be.

  2. Autumn

    All the kids in our family put on a Christmas play each year, and I am ALWAYS the director. And I am the “Everything has to be perfect” kinda person. Well, last year after months of planning and lots of stress on my part, the play ended up being a disaster in the middle. With screaming kids, sets falling down, and people forgetting their whole scenes. The whole time I just stood there, rather helpless. Afterwards I came to pretty much the same conclusion as you. Sometimes I just have to let go, and forget about always having total control. And also realise that some things are not such big deals as they seem at the time.

    • Oh my goodness, you are so right on about things not being as big of a deal as they seem!! I can’t tell you how many times I have been flipping out about something being out of my control only to realize later it didn’t even matter. It’s so easy to get lost in the moment and lose focus.

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